


And then he wasn't

by artsyspikedhair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Coming Out, Gender Issues, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 17:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4633659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin was a lot of things, and then he wasn't. Or, what happened when life gave him a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And then he wasn't

Remus Lupin was a lot of things. 

He was an ordinary five year old boy, and then he wasn't. 

He was a friendless werewolf, and then he wasn't.

He was a spy, a member of the Order, a teacher, a lover, a husband, and a father during his adult life. Remus was so many things, and then, he was dead.

The Wizarding World gave him options in death, which was more than what it gave him in life, the bitter werewolf thought. He could have been a portrait, only he had never been painted when he was alive so that was out of the question. He could have been a ghost. Remus seriously considered this option, but it seemed miserable. He had spent too long living in between the Muggle and Wizarding worlds, the werewolf and Wizarding worlds, that to live between life and death seem intolerable to him. There was only one real option for the 38 year old man. He wanted to see his friends again, to hug Sirius and laugh with James and argue with Lily over some book or another. He wanted to move on, so he chose to move on.

And then suddenly he was being born all over again, because although he had been believing in the afterlife for most of his life, it turns out death recycles energy just like everything else. So his energy ends up in this baby being born, and as he comes out he starts losing his memories. Soon Teddy and Tonks were gone. Soon Harry and Neville and all of his students were gone. Soon James and Sirius and Peter were gone. Hogwarts was gone. Everything Remus held dear has faded into his unconscious, because the world was different as a baby. His last thought was 'Where am I?', before words faded out of his memory as well. Remus Lupin was gone.

His new family was still called the Lupin's, but they were American, not Welsh like the original Lupin family Remus was from. He still ended up with two parents, a mother and a father. He was raised a rather ordinary child. He was given a different name and as he grew up he learned more and more about himself.

His life as a not-so-ordinary five year old started on the first day of kindergarten. His mother was trying to get him dressed nice for the first day of school, but he would have none of it.  
"Ava! You need to get dressed sweetie, we don't want to be late for your first day of school, do we?"  
"But mommie, I don't like the skiwt!"  
"Sweetheart, you need to look good for the first day. Tomorrow you can wear anything you want!"  
"Okay, I'll wear it." He pouted as he said it, but his mother left and he got into the skirt. He then ran to the car, having eaten breakfast in his pajamas like always. His father was already at work so his mom drove him to school alone, walked him to his classroom, and left.

He wasn't looking forward to school, because in preschool he had learned to read and so he didn't think there was anything Kindergarten could teach him. He looked around the classroom, trying to see if there was anyone he could befriend, when suddenly a child with a black eye walked in.

"Hi!" the child said. "I'm Sirius. Who are you?"  
"Ava."  
"I like your skirt! I wanted to get one, but my mom said they were only for girls and sissies."  
"Well, I like your pants. They're fancy."  
Suddenly Sirius had a smile on his face and the gleam in his eye that only someone with a great idea gets. "I have an idea! We could trade!"  
"Why?" Remus asked, not because he disagreed, but because he liked asking why at everything.  
"Because I hate pants and you don't look comfy in that skirt."  
"Okay, I'll do it. Where though?"  
"The coat room over there." Sirius points with his left arm at the dark room Remus hadn't noticed. "But we need to hurry! My brother said school starts early on the thirst day."  
The two boys ran over and switched outfits, then walked hand in hand to class.

The first day of Kindergarten was all that was needed for Remus and Sirius to become the best of friends (again, one might say, though it was impossible to know if Sirius was still Sirius so far early in the young kid's life.) They both loved to read, which made them the devil in the eyes of the new Kindergarten teacher, because they had found a book on spiders and had begun sharing it while the other students were introducing themselves. Sirius was loud and Remus had great ideas for games, so the two would spend recess lost in their own world of adventure, complete with werewolves being killed by black widow spiders (Sirius played the werewolf, his shrieking imitation of death causing even some of the older kids to come over, crying 'Do it again!', which he nearly always did before Remus came over with a handful of sand for the antidote.) Remus considered asking Sirius about his eye, but decided against it.

Because of the new friendship, Remus had begun wearing skirts to school daily, which pleased his oblivious mother. He and Sirius would trade clothes before school, and then go about their days. They never got in trouble with any teachers, partly because they were never caught trading the clothes and partly because the school prided itself on being a place where children could 'express themselves'. Sirius got in trouble with an older student once, who claimed boys weren't allowed to wear skirts and so Sirius was clearly not a boy. Sirius punched the boy in the face, and so his family got a phone call home. The next day Sirius showed up with a band aid on his arm, claiming he got a scratch climbing trees. Nobody questioned him except Remus, who simply asked how it happened exactly. Sirius told a whopper of a story, and though Remus knew he was lying, he didn't say anything.

Time moved quickly, and soon Kindergarten was over. Sirius and Remus ended up in different classes. They tried to continue being friends anyway. They kept on playing during recess and tried going to each others' houses, but Sirius made new friends and Remus's parents were rarely home. Soon Remus had begun spending recesses alone, reading. He didn't mind this, and it was only sometimes he would look up to see Sirius playing his new friends and feel the swirling pit in his stomach. It was the same feeling wearing skirts gave him, only worse. But time had a way of making memories disappear. By the time second grade started, Remus had almost forgotten the boy who wore his skirts.

Remus Lupin was a friendless reader, until he wasn't.

Remus made his second friend in fourth grade. They had been assigned as partners for a project on worms, and became friends almost immediately. He was also shy and didn't mind Remus's obvious comments or lack of social skills. His name was Peter, and often the two of them could be found in Remus's room, doing homework or talking about the latest book in the _Monstrumologist _ __series. Remus's mother had been worried about his lack of friends; and while she wished he had found some girls to befriend, after a while she took a liking towards Peter. He spent time helping the Lupin's cook dinner, which had typically been Remus and his father's thing. They didn't mind the extra help, and after a few months Peter was a regular at the Lupin's dinner table. Remus did not spend as much time with Peter's family because they disapproved of friend's coming over before Peter's homework was done, no matter how many times Peter explained that they were not going to cheat off of one another. Peter and Remus were inseparable throughout fourth and fifth grade.__

It was also in fifth grade where Remus made another change. He had always hated his given name, despising its common meaning ('living and breathing, really dad?' he thought) and its femininity. However he hadn't known what to change it to, until he learned about Rome. He loved the story of the brothers raised by a she-wolf because he still had some attachment to werewolves, although whether this was from his past unconscious life as one or from his childhood games with Sirius we may never know. So he decided to change his name to the one he formerly owned. Remus Lupin was once again Remus Lupin. His parents didn't like the name change, especially not his father. "We named you after my sister!" he bellowed, and Remus understood the longing to keep remembering someone through your child, but he was not his father's sister. He eventually placated his father by agreeing to make his middle name Ava.

Remus Lupin began middle school with a new name, a best friend, and no idea who he was. He did well in his classes and befriended a girl for once, which made his mother happy. Her name was Jamie Evans, and she convinced Remus and Peter to join the middle school's G.S.A. It was there Remus rediscovered his childhood friend Sirius, who no longer wore skirts but instead wore hair down to his stomach. He had been adopted since the time Remus and he were friends, and he no longer showed up anywhere with black eyes or scratched arms. Sirius and Jamie were already friends, and soon the four of them could be seen together during lunch, constantly laughing and planning out pranks. The G.S.A. was also when Remus learned something else. Jamie was an out and proud lesbian, and for a while Remus thought maybe that was what he was. After all, lesbians were masculine, Jamie was masculine, and Remus was masculine, so what else could he be? It wasn't until Sirius came into the G.S.A with a list of different genders that Remus realized there were options. He saw the word transgender and realized maybe that was what he was. It explained a lot, and Remus had never really liked girls enough to be a lesbian anyway. He came out to his friends during the next G.S.A meeting, saying that he had been thinking a lot about Sirius's list and thought maybe he was transgender. Jamie accepted him right away, asking what his new pronouns were and then using them without even hesitating. Sirius said he saw it coming, and asked if he could take Remus's more feminine clothes now that he was trans. Remus smiled and agreed, still waiting for Peter's reaction. Peter surprised him by coming out as well, saying "Since Remus has used this time in G.S.A to come out, I feel the the time is right to admit I am not, as I said, a straight supporter. I have recently realized I am bi as fuck, and so yeah." This led to the whole room cheering, including the adult chaperon of the G.S.A, Ms. McGonagall, although she frowned at his use of the word fuck.

Sirius then came out as well, saying "If we're all coming out today, I would like to admit I am asexual as well as the hottest person in this room, so I am sorry none of you will get the pleasure of dating me."

Jamie then replied "You are not the hottest person in the room, Sirius. That pleasure belongs to me."

"You wish!" Sirius added. Remus was just relieved nobody hated him, and planned out how he was going to tell his parents while he friends argued over their relative hotness.


End file.
